Last on MOTD: Please sit down

THERE are many, many candidates for the title of saddest film ever made: Bambi, Watership Down, The Lion King, Leaving Las Vegas, Requiem For A Dream. Well, I’ve got another one to add to the list. It’s shown before every single West Brom home game. And I just can’t get it out of my head.

I’ve no idea if the film has a title, so I’m going to call it: The Birth Of Eternal Disappointment.

Last on MOTD: David, David, Dave

I DON’T know how much time David Cameron spends awake in bed at night worrying about his favourite football team, as I’m not married to him. (We dated briefly, years ago, but I really don’t want to talk about it.) I suspect, though, that he devotes more time to fretting about Abu Qatada than Aston Villa.

Last on MOTD: Terry Connor vs Garth Crooks vs Fred Dinenage vs George Bernard Shaw

TO paraphrase George Bernard Shaw: History repeats itself, blah blah blah. If you’d timed your TV viewing right this weekend, you could have started and finished your Saturday by watching Terry Connor fight a losing battle against relegation.

Ten years later

“What do you reckon for today?” asked the man in charge of one of the Macclesfield Town tea bars as I ordered a hot dog.

“Got to win,” I replied, blandly.

“I reckon we’re down,” he said. “The games we needed to win have gone.”

I tried to make reassuring noises – as much, I realised, for myself as for him.

Last on MOTD: Agony corner

Dear Mike,

I have a problem. I’m a big fan of Arsenal. (That’s not the problem, by the way.) A few days ago, I did a Gunners podcast and made a few comments about Liverpool not playing on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster. All of a sudden, I’m Public Enemy No.1 and sales of QI and Jonathan Creek DVDs on Merseyside have gone through the floor. I’ve tried to say sorry by making a donation to the Hillsborough Justice Campaign, but my apology has been rejected. I’ve even had death threats on Twitter. What do I do?

Alan D, Essex

Last on MOTD: Stoke City FM

An office, at the far end of a trading estate, at the far end of a medium-sized town that could be somewhere near you, or nowhere you’ve ever heard of. Wood-panelled walls support shelves lined with 45rpm records – mostly 1970s pop hits and old folk tunes – the sleeves faded at the edges.

Last on MOTD: Second to the Boat Race

Ten things you never knew about the Boat Race:

1) The first Boat Race was run in 1309, as an attempt to resolve the Hundred Years University War, a long and messy conflict fought between Oxford conservatives and Cambridge reformists over the right to split infinitives in Latin. Oxford won that first race, but were later disqualified after Charles ‘Jumbo’ Millefeuille, their president, said in his victory speech that he was “delighted to convincingly win”.

Last on MOTD: An Aaron Wilbraham train of thought

I WASN’T expecting time travel at the weekend. But there was Aaron Wilbraham on Match of the Day, scoring a consolation goal for Norwich at Fulham, his first in the Premier League at the age of 32. And all of a sudden, I was transported back to 2001, a time when the nation decided it didn’t want a government containing William Hague and it was still possible to fill up your car without having to visit Wonga.com first. Do I hanker after those days? I’m not sure I do, really. But I’ll come on to that.