I DO feel sympathy for Kirk Broadfoot, the Rangers full-back forced to go to hospital after a microwaved egg exploded in his face. You see, I’ve been there – kind of.
Like Broadfoot, I have a refreshment-related calamity to recount. And like Broadfoot, mine ended with my parents driving me to hospital. Fortunately for me, my story didn’t end with a front-page story in the Daily Record and international ridicule. (Nor did it end up as the sixth most popular story on the BBC website, one ahead of “Ireland dumped out of Eurovision”.) Or if it did, my parents were kind enough to shield me from it.
Broadfoot, it emerged today, suffered burns to his cheek last Sunday. He was inspecting two eggs he had just poached in the microwave when one of them exploded and squirted hot water into his face. According to the Record, the 25-year-old immediately telephoned his parents, who rushed round to his house and drove him to hospital.
My story is slightly different. For a start, it involves a cup of tea, not an egg. And secondly, it happened when I was seven, not 25. But these are just minor details.
What happened was this: I was standing on the arm of the sofa at home, and in a rare (for me) act of childhood dare-devilry, decided to jump off – unaware that there was a cup of tea on the floor. I stepped right into it, scalding my right foot. After the commotion, my mum and dad drove me to the local infirmary, and had to have my foot bandaged up for several weeks.
So Kirk, I feel your pain.
But really, you should learn to take more care.
The third best bit about the Daily Record’s article is the fact that their reporter has gone to the trouble of contacting the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents for a comment on the story. The second best bit is the revelation, courtesy of RoSPA, that 500 Britons needed hospital treatment for egg-related incidents in 2002, “the last year such data was collected,” the article tells us.
(Does this mean that RoSPA stopped collecting this data in 2002? Or does it mean that there were so many egg-related injuries in 2003, that they haven’t finished counting them yet?)
And the best bit of the article? It’s the British Egg Information Service’s advice on how to poach an egg safely in a microwave, which goes as follows:
1. Carefully crack the egg into a large teacup or ramekin dish filled with 1/2 tbsp of water.
2. Use a cocktail stick to pierce the yolk and white in a couple of places and poach in the microwave on HIGH for 40 seconds in a 750-watt oven, or 60 seconds if you have a 650- watt oven.
3. Let the egg stand for a minute before serving.
You can laugh, but Kirk is not alone in his food-related mishaps. I remember an entire episode of Watchdog being devoted to various numbskulls who had injured themselves with Kellogg’s Pop Tarts. And he’s not even the first footballer to suffer a kitchen calamity – Dave Beasant severed a tendon in his big toe after dropping a jar of salad cream on it in 1993.
It can happen to the best of us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check out RoSPA’s statistics on tea-related injuries…