Tune out

IT won’t happen. Even Noel Gallagher admits it won’t happen – and it was his idea. So don’t hold your breath waiting for his Manchester City FA Cup final song.

Gallagher was quoted in the Sun’s Bizarre column this morning (although the original interview actually appeared in the official Manchester City magazine), saying that he would like to form a supergroup made up of City fans – which would include Johnny Marr, Doves, Mike Pickering from M People and Rick Wakeman.

(Presumably their debut album could be called: “Don’t Look Back For The Hero Inside This Charming Black and White Town, King Arthur.” Not that it matters, because it’s not going to happen, as I’ve already made clear.)

During the course of the article, Gallagher almost talks himself into following in the footsteps of Chas and Dave and Status Quo. Then he remembers that he’s meant to be too cool for all that stuff, and blames it on being hypothetically drunk.

“I’d probably also say yes to doing an FA Cup final record too,”  he is reported to have said. “Then sober up and say: ‘Hang on a minute, I can’t be writing an FA Cup song.'”

So there you have it. Noel Gallagher will not be writing an FA Cup final song – for City or anyone else. (He certainly won’t be writing one for City this season, as their FA Cup interest ended in the third round this year, when they beaten 3-0 at home by a team battling against relegation from the Championship. There’s always the UEFA Cup, though.)

All the same, it’s nice to see City making a return to the Bizarre column. Its editor, Gordon Smart, used to write regularly about the club when Sven-Goran Eriksson was the manager.

There was, for instance, the report that City’s players had started to refer to Sven as ‘Alan Partridge’ because he stayed in a Manchester city-centre hotel throughout his year as manager.

Then, there was the article suggesting that Sven fancied former Mis-Teeq hollerer (and last year’s Strictly Come Dancing winner) Alesha Dixon. (This question was never asked at any Eriksson press conference I attended, so I can neither confirm nor refute this story. Alesha apparently responded by saying that she preferred Jose Mourinho, anyway.)

Neither of those pieces had anything on Smart’s claim that “the Swedish oddball” was being taught how to play the accordion by his assistant Tord Grip. (Headline: ‘Eriksson finds a new squeeze.’ It’s almost as if they wrote the headline first and then came up with a story to fit it. Almost.)

And just in case you’ve forgotten, there was the story claiming that Eriksson had introduced Greco-Roman wrestling to City’s training sessions.

With the wrestling story, I ended up calling Manchester City’s press office to get some kind of reaction.

The kind of reaction I got was baffled amusement.

Thanks to Eriksson’s fame, City used to turn up in Smart’s column on a regular basis. Once the Swede departed, Smart seemed to lose interest in the club almost overnight.

So it’s good to see that the young reporter (he’s still in his 20s) has rediscovered his interest in the club thanks to Gallagher’s pronouncements. Perhaps see you at Eastlands soon, eh, Gordon? Or are we more likely to find you at Fratton Park next season?


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