I NEEDED cheering up after a week of having to watch Sky Sports News almost non-stop for professional purposes. I can, after all, only take so much transfer-related hysteria relayed by unfeasibly cheery presenters somehow managing to appear genuinely interested in e-mails sent in by halfwits.
Sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt myself there, as I understand I can now go live to my kitchen, where I’m getting reports of a cup of tea being made. Over to me…
Yes, thanks, me. It’s actually more sensational than I first thought. Not only have I just made a cup of tea, but there is also a KitKat and a Tunnock’s caramel wafer to go with it. I am also getting unconfirmed reports of a buttered croissant as well, but I must stress that is unconfirmed. Back to me.
Thanks, me. E-mails coming in thick and fast on this one. Coffeelover has just e-mailed to say: “The prospect of a cup of tea being made in your kitchen is a disgrace. Where does this leave all of us loyal coffee drinkers? Does that kind of loyalty count for anything these days? It would appear not.”
And Saladfan has also contacted us to say: “Why is it always biscuits with tea? Surely it’s time for something healthier. Come on, sort it out. Biscuits have had long enough. It’s time for them to go.”
Sorry, I don’t know where all of that came from. But I do know that there are lots of things in the world – and in football – to get mad about at the moment, and Kevin Keegan leaving Newcastle is not one of them.
Anyway, I needed cheering up, so I would like to thank the Guardian’s Saturday entertainment pull-out The Guide for providing one of the most remarkable typos I’ve ever seen in a national newspaper:
When I first read the heading on this preview, I was startled. Was 2004 Olympic silver medal-winning Bolton boxer Amir Khan really teaming up with internationally-renowned Parisian actress Juliette Binoche to perform a dance show?
And could this mean that Khan is about to move into French cinema? Or that Binoche is planning a bid for a world light-welterweight title?
Sadly, no. It turns out that Binoche is actually performing with the dancer and choreographer Akram Khan. Still, any sub-editor can make a mistake when they’re putting a heading on an article they’re not really interested in.
Frank Warren, Khan’s manager (I’m talking about Amir Khan here, just in case there’s any doubt), suggested in the build-up to tonight’s fight against Colombia’s Breidis Prescott (not John Prescott, or anyone else called Prescott) that he wanted to guard against pushing the Bolton fighter too hard, too soon.
He absolutely never said anything about easing the pressure on Khan’s fighting career by getting him into performance dance as a sideline, though.
Mind you, boxing is a dangerous game, so it might do some of those fighters no harm to pursue safer careers in the performing arts. Mickey Rourke was a boxer who became an actor (who then became a boxer again), while Chris Eubank takes an interest in poetry, so it has been done before.
And if Khan does make that move, you’ll hear it right here first. But right now, it’s time for the latest update on that buttered croissant…