CRISTIANO Ronaldo is not a badger. He is not a skyscraper. He is not a trifle, nor a giraffe, nor a door hinge. He is not even a panda. No. Cristiano Ronaldo is human.
Apparently, there has been some doubt about this.
“He is human after all,” said John Motson after Ronaldo missed a penalty in United’s defeat at West Ham in December.
“Cristiano Ronaldo is human after all,” said the woman who reads the sports bulletins on Radio One’s Chris Moyles breakfast show (or ‘Wake Up To W**ker’, as I prefer to call it) this morning.
Best of all, Sky Sports played the Human League’s 1986 hit ‘Human’ over a montage of Ronaldo at the end of their coverage of last night’s Champions League semi-final between Barcelona and Manchester United.
You may wish to run a sweepstake with your friends (or, failing that, work colleagues) as to how many times over the next 24 hours you will hear people say that Cristiano Ronaldo is only human. (Born to make mistaaaaakes… Ahem. Sorry.)
And whenever you do hear anyone utter that phrase, remind yourself that football is only a game and that hype will always expand to fill a vacuum.
I’m off to watch Barnsley v Charlton on Saturday. And you know what? I can’t wait. You might think that’s crazy. But I’m only human.