Last on MOTD: It’s no party for Stevie G

I’VE been running the Gubbometer for two-and-a-half years, man and boy. (Hardest job in the world, it is.) In that time, only two Premier League clubs had not been last on Match of the Day – Liverpool and Manchester United. It’s now down to one.

Last on MOTD: Bobby Ewing, Harold Bishop, Dirty Den, Paul Robinson

THE big no-no for soap opera scriptwriters is to bring a character back from the dead. That hasn’t stopped them doing it, though.

Last on MOTD: So close Dunney, so close

RICHARD Dunne shares two unwanted Premier League records – the highest number of own goals (six, with Jamie Carragher and Frank Sinclair) and the most red cards (eight, with Patrick Vieira and Duncan Ferguson).

Not The Football League Show!

NO Match of the Day this weekend for Gary, Alan, Lawro and the other Alan to make mildly sarcastic comments during (and for me to make mildly sarcastic comments about). But we’ve still got a chance to catch up with the latest developments below the top flight in The Football League Show.

Last on MOTD: Don’t forget your poppy, Ryan

IS it poppy power or poppy fascism? Depends whether you read the Daily Mail or the Guardian, I guess. No one ever got this worked up over Comic Relief’s red noses, though.

Last on MOTD: Well bugger me, it’s Hallowe’en

AT the Championship match I was covering for a newspaper yesterday afternoon, I was in a dilemma. (Ah yes, good cars those dilemmas, as Ted Chippington used to say – and indeed still does.) Should I try to crowbar in a Hallowe’en reference or not?

Last on MOTD: Who’s the Twit?

BEFORE this weekend, the most contentious post on Hull City striker Jozy Altidore’s Twitter feed was his claim that Olly Murs would win X Factor. (I mean, come on Jozy, surely Stacey’s going to win.)

Last on MOTD: Sylvester Stallone v Robert Plant

IS Sylvester Stallone really an Everton fan? And if so, does this mean that Rocky Balboa’s repeated attempts to recapture former glories can serve as a metaphor for Howard Kendall’s numerous stints at Goodison Park?

Last on MOTD: One week in the crazy life of Phil Brown

IT’S hard not to have a sneaking admiration for Phil Brown’s dark sense of humour, following the incident on Wednesday in which the Hull manager talked a woman out of jumping off the Humber Bridge while taking his team for a walk.

Last on MOTD: Ring my bell

JUST about everyone in Portsmouth knows who John Westwood is. He’s the man who loves Pompey so much that he changed his name by deed poll to John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood.

He’s also the chap who rings a bell at Portsmouth’s home games. Or at least, he does when he isn’t getting into arguments with the club over health and safety regulations.