Last on MOTD: Arsenal Nil

I USED to play for a team in the Central Lancashire Junior League called Penwortham Boys. Well, I say I played for them. I was actually their second-choice goalkeeper.

Now’s not the time, Sonja

THE award for bravest person in sport this weekend goes to: BBC Six Nations pitchside reporter Sonja McLaughlan. Tackling Martin Johnson and asking him if he will drop Danny Care is no easy task.

Superstitious minds

I HAVE a question for Kolo Toure: What do you do if you find yourself in a team with someone else who also wants to go out on to the pitch last?

Last on MOTD: Worse than Shark Tale

IN all my years of cinema-going, I have only ever walked out of three films.

One, some slasher flick which I can’t remember the title of, I left because I was feeling unwell, so that doesn’t count.

The second, a French comedy called Mon Meilleur Ami, I left because I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be at a work colleague’s leaving do, so that doesn’t count either.

That leaves Shark Tale.

I don’t like your shirt

IT’S hard to think of a sillier quarrel than Gilbert and Sullivan’s famous fall-out about a carpet. But Crystal Palace owner Simon Jordan and Croydon Advertiser editor Ian Carter may run it close after coming to blows over . . . the club’s kit.

Forgetting Aki Riihilahti, among other things

I’VE come to the conclusion that my brain is like a chest of drawers. If I try to stuff too much in there, other things start to slip down the back and get lost. Worryingly, I seem to be losing the important stuff while retaining the crap.

Blimey, Sir Allen

I MUST admit, I felt a tinge of disappointment when Sir Allen Stanford failed to win the BBC Overseas Sports Personality of the Year award a couple of months ago.

A trying time

CURIOUS times for English domestic rugby union. The Guinness Premiership is enjoying one of its most intriguing title races in memory, just as its big stars are being tempted away by big-money moves to France.

Tune out

IT won’t happen. Even Noel Gallagher admits it won’t happen – and it was his idea. So don’t hold your breath waiting for his Manchester City FA Cup final song.

Last on MOTD: Ometer this, ometer that

TRUE story: When England played Germany at Euro 2000, I saw the game in a pub in Stoke-on-Trent (OK, if you want to be pedantic, Hanley).